I swore that this would be the first blog (of the many I’ve started) that I would actually keep up with. I even made a Weekly Writing Schedule for myself to make sure I was dedicating enough time each day to the many social media outlets that I manage for myself or others.
Like many writers, I struggle not just to find motivation, but to maintain it.
Not to mention I’m easily distracted.
Well it’s been months since my last post, so clearly distractions have kept me from the schedule. I do, however, still feel the pull of commitment towards this blog. Therefore I felt it was only right to be honest and open about myself and my current situation of distractions:
My boyfriend (O) and I, after a few years of friendship, have been together for about a year and a half.
December 14th we learned that I’m pregnant.
For some people, this discovery uproots their entire lives. For others, it’s an indescribable joy.
We’re somewhere between those two extremes, as a young, unmarried, free-spirited couple. We’re 25 and 23, have both finished college, and both have steady, well-paying jobs. Needless to say, our situation could be much worse.
And I’m relieved that I can honestly say it couldn’t be much better.
Sure, we had talked about kids. Marriage first — in a few years. Then kids, perhaps in ten. Thirty-two sounded like the perfect age to me: settled, financially secure, mature. I’m certainly not settled, I’d describe us as financially stable, and we are just beginning to mature.
So why the serene acceptance of something
completely out of my control?
It likely has something to do with the doctor that once told me I would never have kids. Or the violent car accident that led him to that conclusion. O and I had already discussed that we were open to the idea of adopting. In fact, the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to do anything but adopt.
Now this. Now those two little pink lines where I had only ever seen one. Now a bump where my figure has always been concave.
More importantly, the associated feelings are unlike anything I could have predicted. It’s not quite joy yet, but there’s certainly an excitement present.
For the first time in either of our young lives, O and I both feel like we have the direction we’ve always been lacking.
We have an answer to the
ever-looming question: what’s next?
It’s incredible to feel the overwhelming power of something so much greater than either of us, and to realize that we are not just having a baby, we’re raising a human being and training him to conquer his own world.
I can’t even begin to imagine the adventures (of all manners) that we will get into with this child and as a family. And now that those thoughts have permeated my mind, they’ve taken hold. I expect changes to both myself and O in every way possible. After all, when we met years ago we were immature, partying college kids.
Thank God a pregnancy is 40 weeks, giving us adequate time to plan and prepare. At the same time, we’re preparing ourselves to feel very unprepared. Every day of this pregnancy has surprised me with new emotions, thoughts, and desires I’d never considered. And I know each day with a child in our lives will do the same.
My wanderings are taking a new direction, but I’ve always gone wherever the wind takes me.
So I apologize, dear friends and followers, for my dwindling internet presence over the last months. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to keep up with my initial, ambitious blogging plans (particularly once baby arrives), but I do promise that I will keep up with this blog.
With only 7 weeks til our little man is due, I’m hoping I can get myself back into a semi-regular blogging schedule. I am fortunate to have a 3 month maternity leave from my employer, so I have no excuse to be lazy in my writing!
Now — more than ever — it seems of vital importance for me to record all of the experiences I’ve learned so much from.